little did I know...

So I was thinking today about how I pictured what life would be like with a baby before I was pregnant versus how life really is.

Heres the idealized version-

I would have a perfect, uneventful pregnancy. No morning sickness, gain little weight and feel great the entire time. I would work out and be in great shape by delivery day. I would go into labor, naturally of course, a few days before my due date and after a short labor, give birth without drugs- no sweat.
Breastfeeding would be a breeze. I mean it must be because thats how I want it to be. The baby would never cry because I would anticipate its needs before it even knew what it wanted. The baby would sleep through the night in no time, without crying, and I would love being a mother because I would be so well rested and egar to start everyday. We would go on walks and I'd be back to my old body in no time flat.
The baby would get on its own nap schedule. It would never need to cry it out because I would always be there and if the baby never feels alone then it would be comfortable to go to sleep all on its own. I would feel comfortable leaving the baby in its own room because I have a monitor and of course you can hear the baby breathing over the monitor, right?
When we start solids, the baby would love everything and open its mouth in anticipation of the next bite. I, of course, will never raise a pick eater.
We would have no plastic toys that play loud annoying music. The baby will love toys even though they don't sing to it.
I will love being a mother every second of everyday.


Here is the real version-

My pregnancy was pretty easy. I didn't gain a lot of weight. It was pretty much uneventful... well if you don't count the couple of UTI's, passing out in the post office and the bad ultrasound that stressed me out every day for four weeks until we got a level II done. Morning sickness lasted until around 12 weeks. All I ate was pasta and I couldn't drink out of a cup- I had to drink from a straw for months because the motion of tipping my head back made me want to puke. Working out was a joke because honestly I had no energy. I did go into labor naturally... well if you count taking castor oil as natural... but I didn't have to medically be induced so thats great! I was 6 days late. The longest 6 days of my entire life. I cried everyday. Hard labor didn't last too long. I screemed for an epidural but little did I know, I was already 10cm by the time they put it in. It never worked. Evelyn was born naturally* (with an astrik).
Breastfeeding wasn't too hard. I didn't have much support from the hospital because no one really knew what they were doing. My nipples hurt for weeks and I had a clogged duct about once a month and mastitis once as well.
Evelyn cried. Almost every night for a few hours. Nothing we could do helped. She slept for two hour stretches and I was tired. I was not egar to start everyday. Since I was the one with the boobies, I was the one who woke time after time after time. She didn't start sleeping through the night until 7.5 months when I had to let her cry it out. Naps are still a joke. Although I lost all the baby weight right away, my body took until 7 months to be close to normal. It will never be the same.
Evelyn loved solids at first. Now she only wants apples or pears. And thats all I give her because I don't know what else to do. Do I try to feed her veggies even though I know she wont eat? Or do I just feed her what she likes because I know she'll eat. I feed her what she wants. I'm raising a picky kid.
Her toys play music. Its loud, its annoying and they are plastic and she loves them.
I do love being a mother. But not every second of every day. Somedays I want to go back to when I could do want I wanted. If I wanted a nap I could. If Owen and I wanted a date night, we could and if wanted to go surfing then we went.

I wouldn't give her up for the world though. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She has taught me patience, to go with the flow, to love someone else more than I love myself. Everything may not always go to plan but whatever works!